We all want fast sites, but what is fast? What is performant? We may know it when we see; yet quantifying and communicating about web performance effectively is still a challenge. In this talk, we will discuss our ever-evolving set of standards for what comprises a fast site. With special attention to the problems that ads and analytics present for publishers, we will discuss how antiquated notions of web performance are a ripe environment for abuses by 3rd party code. Finally, we will discuss techniques for improving performance monitoring as a tool for institutional change.